Grrrl211's Blog

cliche:2011

Dee Avocado — Wed, 02 Feb 2011 11:32:28 +0000

It’s been a long three weeks, but even though I’m still coughing up a lung I think I’m ready for life again. I got a good deal of feedback over my last post, some loved it, some might have said I was being melodramatic to put it nicely. All in all, I don’t give a fuhhh! I write what I write because I can, because I feel it, because it’s in my blood. daaang. But on everything, it’s a blog. Get with it.

Right now, I just kinda woke up from a nice nap. It was quite frankly too short but I knew that if I kept sleeping I’d never wake up, and I have 3 essays to write. By Thursday. ughh! I have too much on my mind, I’m trying to make sense of it but it’s hard since my mind is basically like infinite lol. I should write some of it down, but I guess that’s what I’m doing? As of right now I’m just getting in my writing mood, listening to some tunes I haven’t heard in a cool minute. See my ex had a band, and even though at the time people thought I was into their music solely cus of my ex, it’s actually a good band. They have talented band members. The music pumps me up! Fuck it, right?

So today I went to venice beach and got to hang out with my girlfriends. It was super nice, the weather had something about it where it reminded me of a day that I had perhaps already lived. The air was cool and the temperature just right. I “bumped” into my homies at the henna shop. Cesar and Tonio. It was chill, we talked about some tats I have been thinking of getting forever. One my dandylion and two the pirate girly from the hi lifes. I want a dandylion because when I was young they were my fave flower to pick because you got to make a wish right? that’s how the story goes? I used to use any wishes I got when I was a kid to wish for immortality because I’ve always been scared of death, that was until I started getting older and the idea of watching everyone I love die before me scared me shitless. Even more than death. I guess I’m just a weenie, I guess I’m just scared of being in so much pain that it causes me death. All of this comes to mind when I think of a dandylion, this and how now a dandylion equals danger..gross danger if I were to blow one while wearing lip gloss. Gives me nasty furry lips. But that shit didn’t faze me when I was young, I just wanted my wishes. I just wanted to be immortal. Anyways, the pirate girl is totally for kicks. Because hi lifes are cheap and a part of my youth. Who didn’t feel cool with a 32 and a bag of hot Cheetos. Anyways, so it was chill we packed some bowls (even though I said I wouldn’t because I’m still sick), it’s cool though. I watched Tonio paint some calaveras and attempt to sell them. I also tried convincing him to hypnotize me, but he said no lol. Oh, and I got to hold his giant lizard or iguana…whatever. I started fighting it… apparently they’re not like dogs and get easily annoyed.. So then Pedro shows up. I haven’t really talked to him since I was in 9th…10th grade? I’m not quite sure but it has been yeeears, fer sure. It was kind of strange. The way time changes people, the way time doesn’t change people. Here I was sitting with the kids who were my first friends in high school. Funny. We almost looked the same as we did before. Awkward, skinny and under the influence. I think I matured a lot more though. A LOT MORE.

So speaking of the devil, I totally got a message on facebook from my ex. I’m not going to spend too much time on it, but I will acknowledge it only because it bugs me. It bugs me that he went on to point out that I look happy. Like it bothered him or something. What’s so wrong with being happy? I wish him nothing but happiness. Whatever. So not only does it seem to bug him that I’m happy but he has to put his two cents in about WHY I’m happy. apparently I’m with my new boyfriend for money. HA. Please. I’d never ever be that shallow. The material things guy have to offer me means nothing to me. You’d think that after 4 years of being with HIM, he’d know that right? Things are nice, put I value real emotions. I value conversations, affection, and knowing that you have someone who truly has your back. That’s all I ever ask for, realness. All I ever wanted was someone to be legit with me. I’m not perfect, but I’m this that and this. I’m not perfect, but I know I’m not a gold digger. I’m not perfect, but I know I never deserved to be put in the situations he put me through. So, to clear things up. I’m with my new boyfriend because he makes me happy. His words of encouragement, his jokes that make me laugh forever, his smile, his scent that gets stuck on me after we hang out, his soft hands even though he’s a hard worker…. Those are some of the reasons why I’m with him. Why I’m in love. Not his money. Not the pretty things he buys me. When I love,I love never expecting something in return. I feel what I feel regardless of how others feel. It makes a difference, I’m not saying I’m immune to others. However, my true feelings can only be altered so much by outsiders. It almost hurts that he thinks that of me. But what can I expect from someone who put my past on blast just to hurt me, from someone who broke me down just to build me up to his liking. I’m beyond this. My only fault is that I care. I wish him the best. I wish that he could understand that all the hurt in the world that we endured doesn’t make it real. I wish that he could understand what’s done is done and that memories can sometimes bend the truth, that your own stubborness can stop you from being happy. I think the wisest decision I’ve made was to walk away. Why fight, why spend your days worrying about whether someones faithful or not, why live your life trying to have the winning word in the next argument. I don’t care that people might think I’m too young to know what I’m talking about because I think I’ve learned now at the young age of 21 what others still haven’t learned. I think people get lost in the rationality of things by mixing it with stereotypes of what love is supposed to be. When it’s love, you know it’s love.

As for myself. I’ve decided I’m going to save this Spring semester. I only really need to purchase my mic for my podcast that I want to do. I was also thinking of a new phone but I don’t think I really NEED that. I wish I had the money to buy a shitload of stationary lol. I think I’m going to give myself projects to do during the spring time. Develop some new hobbies. Read some new books. I’d love to get some volunteering done, particularly in the field of domestic violence. I need to actually start exercising. I think since my illness made me lose weight I have it easy now lol. I just gotta run! Do some ab work here and there.

Both my best friends are going to be giving birth at any freaking moment now. Intense. I love them. I miss them. I’m happy for them.

Say what you mean and mean what you say. There’s nothing I hate more than fake pretences. I don’t want to find out something later, that I could have found out now. I don’t like to be treated as if I’m ignorant to facts, as if I don’t know what’s up. I guess I’m just throwing that out there. I don’t like it when people are sneaks. I guess lately I’ve been feeling as if someone has something up their sleeves for me. Wether it’s planned or not. Don’t let me down. Duece, if any one gets in the way of my happiness I’m going to punch your face in. For lack of better words. Don’t mess with my reality, it’s not fair. It’s not right.

Highly considering what career I’d like to pursue in the long run. I love radio… I love writing… I love talking. Networking in 2011 is going to be a must. It has to start soon. Spring.

I got some reading done, I got my blogging done. I’m proud. All I kinda wish I had now was some body heat. It’s kind of cold in my apartment. I’ve moved on from my pump it up music, some relaxing johnny thunders always hits the spot.

EFF EMM ELL

Dee Avocado — Wed, 26 Jan 2011 08:53:29 +0000

So for the past two effing weeks I’ve been dying. I’ve been cursing my immune system to immune system hell, and taking at least about 4 different types of drugs to cure my countless of symptoms. I’ve gone through at least 4 TP rolls, over 6 packs of tissues, drank more water than I’ve drunk in a year, and I’m starting to feel like these cough drops have substituted my meals. I had to miss work today and I feel super guilty because I’ve had like 3 days off already and I really need the money.

And to make matters worse I’m PMS-ing like there’s no tomorrow. I’m almost convinced that I’m suffering from PMDD. I feel like crying over everything and I don’t feel like doing all the things I usually do… I hate it. I hate feeling sad, it’s just not my style. This sudden feeling of inadequacy takes over and I just wish it would go away. I’m feeling so vulnerable right about now and I really do wish (as lame as it sounds) that I could just hold on to my boyfriend and have him tell me he loves me. I feel as if life is passing me by and I have no clue as to what I want to do with myself. My goals seem sooo close.. yet so far and I wish life wasn’t as hard for me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful. I’m grateful for every obstacle that has taught me a lesson for every freeebie that has been tossed my way. But for once I would like to not worry about money, I would like to be able to buy a plane ticket to leave the country, I would like to drive a nice car and not be paranoid about the police, I would like to receive a nice FAFSA check to help me with school, I would like to do so many things that people take for granted.

I did a video blog earlier this week, and well the quality is just plain shitty… It was done with my webcam so go figure. I’ve been contemplating whether I should upload it or not… mainly because it’s long, and I don’t know if anyone will actually sit through it.. But I really don’t feel like going back and writing about what I talk about.. I’m not lazy, It’s just my memory is bad and I don’t think I can re-capture the essence of what I meant to say about my adventures. So i guess I’ll upload it for kicks. (*ten mins later: I guess I never saved it -_- greeeeeat.)

Well even though there’s so much more I’d like to get off my chest, I guess It’d be best if I hit the sack. Even though I’d rather stay up and just write, really my writing is all I have.. It’s what separates me from the rest. Not in a “I’m better than you” kinda way, more like “I rather write then put up a front of being a bad ass and hide my feelings” kinda way… I’ve been listening to Belle and Sebastian and thinking about high school.. about all the things I would have done differently… But it’s never too great of an idea to think about the past… especially when it’s as complicated as mine. It only brings nostalgia and tears. But then again it could just be my severe pms-ing.

And it starts just right around midnite…

Dee Avocado — Mon, 10 Jan 2011 10:18:49 +0000

“And it starts sometime around midnight, at least that’s when you lose yourself for a minute or two…as you stand under the bar lights and the band plays this song about forgetting yourself for a while…and the piano it’s this melancholy soundtrack to her smile… and that white dress she’s wearing. You haven’t seen her for a while…”

I love this song, it’s so sad. But I love it. I seriously thought this was The Killers this whole time but apparently it’s this band The Airborne Toxic Event. I’ve never heard of them but if their other stuff is as effing amazing as this song I’m in! lol

Well this whole weekend went by and I still haven’t finished my essay. FML. but just a little bit. Why just a little bit? Well because I caught up on sleep SIIIICK! I took every opportunity to nap it up! Now I’m up on all natural energy trying to clear my thoughts through this blog, silently singing and dancing in my awesome fiesta green chair to a VERY KICK ASS playlist on youtube that consists of some Le Tigre, Gravy Train, and the Strokes! I’m honestly a bit disappointed in a couple of things, one being how I can’t seem to record from my webcam and play some itunes along without the music sounding super effing whack and distorted! Ugh. Which totally sucks because I wanted to do this super awesome intro to a video blog which consisted of me lip singing to my fave songs lol. I guess I won’t be gracing any of you with my talents, haha! The second being that my boyfriend just let me know that just because I became a level 5 at my job, it doesn’t quite mean I get my raise right away. What kind of BS is that! I was NEVER notified of this. You see, I work at this prettaay famous burger place over here in Cali. It Starts with an I and ends with a T…and it has three words. And it rhymes with Fin and Pout. -_- Get it? Yeah okay. Well, getting your level 5 is kind of a big deal. It means you start getting paid 11.75 an hour, it means you get to go home smelling like produce, and it means you have to start buying some Excedrin for back and body aches. Which is actually SUPER good news for me, since I pay for my own school and books. And since I like to stay lifted.

So I bought this super uber cute piggy bank at Target that says “Vacation Fund”! It’s soooo cute, the piggy is blue and has a cute liddo hat with palm tree shaped shades! CALIIIII BABY!! So far I’m guesstimating there’s about 3 dollars in there, lol. Slowly but surely. Now I’m just thinking where exactly am I going to go with this Fund of mine…. New York?, Washington?, Florida?!?!! My options are kinda sorta limited but, hey. WATEVS! I do what I want! Speaking of traveling, but not really. My boyfriend took me out to Dinner to this nice spot called Eastside Mario’s or something like that and they have the dopest! little logo ever. It’s the Statue of Liberty holding up a tomato! A tomato!!! It’s so funny. Anyways, the dessert card holders were these heavy little replicas of it. And we were lucky enough to have this dope a** waitress who totally made it possible for us to sneak one out! It is now living on my desk. Along with my Piggy, my broken globe, my maracas, my fairy wand, and my Staples “That was Easy” button. : ] Pretty awesome? I think yes

There is a light that never goes out…

Dee Avocado — Sun, 09 Jan 2011 08:47:31 +0000

So, here I am. Another day at your “riiiight near the beeach boooyyy” community college. Clas was actually quite interesting, and todaymarks the second day that I have not fallen asleep in class, out of four. ha! no, no but really I’m really hitting the coffee hard Winter semester has nothing on me.

So today the weather is close to perfect even though, I would ALWAYS choose my 90 degree weather overanything! But mind you we’re at school. I sh*t you not! I saw a girl with perfect straight hair, size 0, full MAC face plastered on, wait wait! It gets better skin tight dress with knee high snake boot stilletos! I guess when she heard about CLUB row she thought Thirst Thursday was included. Geeeeesh. Haha, watevs. I had to rant about that because I see it all the time!

So today in my comm 10. class we were given our topic for the first essay of the semester. Pretty simple, we were shown a clip of nypd blue or something. Side boob was shown, total rear end, situation :kid walking in on mom about to hop in the shower. Question is, Courts ruled it okay, do you agree or disagree give examples. No fine was given since only side boob action and rear end was shown, which is not considered indecent apperantly. I’m not quite sure just yet what my view is, taking that I’m being totally biased! lol What bugged me was that the chick was a total MILF! I was like geeeesh lady, try looking less sexy about it this is your son!! HA. Funy story. True Story. So we also read/learned about William Randolph Hearts; the father of tabloid-like entertainment! Trip out. He’s like an OG Harvey Levin! Then we talked about how cuhraazy it was to be a paperboy back in those days. It was freakn deadly pretty much! The competition was tough between news papers since there was no internets and things of such matter! Hell no. I love my internet. I’m straight!

So days later from when first started, and on a slightly more serious note, I’m finishing this blog… It’s already Saturday. I still haven’t quite started my essay per say… but in my defense I always get things done and I’ve been sooo tired from work and all this extra physical activity I’ve been doing. So if I sound like I’m ranting, it’s because more or less I am. I’ve been thinking about life way too much and even though life is throwing me dodge balls like nobody’s bussiness I’m trying to stay positive. It’s kinda hard when my thoughts run wild and I start to fear and doubting people’s true intentions… I try and tell myself I’m in charge of my own happiness. For every bad thing I have going on I try to think of two good ones. Does it work? Who knows, but when it doesn’t I pack a bowl and drink some coffee. thug life.

Lately, (and by lately I mean probably within the last year) I’ve realized I never give myself much credit for what I do. For who I am. I consider myself to be a huuuge people person, and I should really try and use that to my advantage. Network. People like me, get along with me and often seek my advice. So, I figured the more people I meet the more my chances of bigger and better opportunities coming my way are. I can’t wait to travel. I can’t wait to leave L.A. for a bit. Because really… there’s so many times where I feel out of place. People aren’t honest here.. well I guess that’s anywhere. I mean, people think I’m the odd ball but really I think I’m way too rational. I think my brain is on high alert at all times because I seem to notice things and people’s mannerisms more than I should. And there’s nothing worse than noticing things you aren’t supposed to.

Well, I won’t be a blogging hoebag and save all my cool stories for the next blog lol. I’m super tired, I feel a fever coming, and I’d like to atleast develop an idea of what exactly I’m going to use to back up my thesis and all that good stuff. I hope your saturday was better than mine, because quite frankly I can’t wait for monday. My day off, school, and I get to be riiight near tha beach!

for kicks

Dee Avocado — Thu, 06 Jan 2011 09:46:20 +0000

I suppose right off the bat this particular blog is going to be a rant of some sort. An introduction to a new life really. When I started this blog about two years ago I was a completely different girl, yet I wasn’t. I had a very eventful 2010, which mainly consisted of a very dramatic break up from a relationship that had almost made it to the 4th year mark. This relationship had me fucked up. To put it nicely. I won’t name drop, because that’s tacky, and also because I respect what I had. Because I know what’s done is done, and it is what it is. It also consisted of hanging out with my new lover and laughing way too much. I’m just another cali girl, with problems like you, you and you! I’m paying my way through school, and I’m very observant of my surroundings and everyday encounters. I plan on using this blog to vent, maybe provide some insight on a variety of topics, make strangers laugh and maybe help someone realize they are not alone.

I recently turned 21, something that I wasn’t so aware I was looking forward to until I couldn’t go places that were 21+ go figure. At this very moment in life, I should be sleeping. However, I am on my third cup of coffee for the day. I’ve peed approximately 6 times in the past two hours, thought of my boyfriend about 15 times, uploaded pictures, stumbled upon cool stuff, and sang along to about 3 different Madonna songs. Zero productivity where it truly counts. But who the effs is counting?!?!? I totally fucked my spring semester over by not enrolling on time (AGAIN, when will I learn?), knowing damn well that kids and adults are running like chicken with their heads cut off trying to enroll in school and crash any class. I hate crashing classes fuck that. I’m honestly thinking of skipping a semester and focusing on my blogging, getting in shape (because working at In N Out is NOT a joke), and following through with my never ending to-do list. Oh and maybe saving my money for once.

txting

Dee Avocado — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 23:49:03 +0000

Last Friday I was supposed to stay in. My friends convinced me to go out and hang out with friends. So I said hey I’ve worked my 6 hours I think I deserve a break. So we got picked up around 9 and we headed out to meet more friends. The moment we arrived to “the spot” , a shady looking intersection in south central my friends phone begin vibrating. When we got out the car and all formed our usual circle my friend was STILL txting. I offered her a beer, tried making jokes, messing with her hair. Nothing. She’s addicted to her blackberry. After awhile of watching her txt I thought hey why wasn’t I txting. And I txted my boyfriend just to say “hey I love you”. And then it hit me.. it’s almost contagious. I didn’t even really want to txt. Sure I was thinking of my boyfriend and I wanted to let him know I loved him. But I didn’t get why I got upset that he didn’t txt me back. I knew he was hanging out and he was probably just not thinking about his phone. Then I noticed I wasn’t the only one. After me came my friend ***. She even said outloud she felt out the loop because my first friend was txting then she saw me txt. And lastly *******. She was txting people who were there. With us. Physically. And this continued late into the night. By the end as we quietly sat eating our food. I longed for my friends back. lol well it wasn’t that bad.

media within media

Dee Avocado — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 20:13:05 +0000

So I watched The Taking of Pelham 123 the other night and I have to say it was a good movie. The plot consist of two armed men hijacking a subway in New York City and holding all the passengers hostage, threatening to kill a passenger for each minute the ransom money is late. I don’t want to spoil the movie but it’s amazing how thought out their plan to take over the train is. The main hijacker, played by John Travolta, makes it so that each demand he makes no matter how absurd it sounds is able to be met. But what caught my attention more was how they used everyday media and electronics to show you the story. It was very subtle not like Paranormal Activity or anything. Things to look out for are how each side uses the media exposure to stay on step ahead or technology like webcams and internet. For example in the movie the story of a subway being hijacked in New York City instantly is exposed in the media both online and on television, exactly how it is in real life. Because of this the hijackers were able to keep track of the police’s every move. Is this is a way proof that too much media can do more harm than good at times.

Yeah I fight like a Grrrl

Dee Avocado — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 19:52:05 +0000

Riot Grrrl saved my life. The words that I have so often spoke, so often thought. I guess I’m not the only one. Searching through YouTube I found dozens of videos where girls are posting their thoughts on the riot grrrl movement in the 90′s and how it changed their lives. Many of these girls all seem to have the same thing in common. They feel some sort of oppression. Whether it’s their own confusion and feelings of inadequacy in a male-driven world or they’ve been abused or mistreated by men these girls now are taken the message from riot grrrls and empowering themselves. Even though in the 90′s the movement was about ending the sexism in the punk scene (Yeah ever been to a show only to find it’s almost impossible to pit unless you’re so drunk you probably won’t remember or if you’re like 5’9 and 170lbs.) Not only in the pit was this scene but in the bands themselves. Even though many girls love punk as much as any other punk guy you didn’t see many girl bands. However bands like Bikini Kill, Bratmobile, X-ray Spex, Lunachicks, and Heavens To Betsy changed all that. like wild fire girls began to take it to a whole other level. being a grrrl now meant doing whatever you wanted, dressing however you wanted, and sticking it to the men! almost 20 years later girls are still saying riot grrrl saved my life. Why? Because girls still find themselves sexually frustrated, with low self-esteem, and not knowing who they are. How did riot grrrl save my life? sex. I grew up thinking sex was taboo. Any kind of sexual exploration is. but why? why should I feel ashamed for being curious about my own body and my own pleasures. Men weren’t told to feel bad. As we ALL know it’s quite the opposite. Hearing real girls who looked like me, heard the same music as me, and felt like me singing songs about sex. wow. It caught me off guard and opened up my mind on how I feel about my own body. I was listening to songs by women empowering other women to stick up for themselves and talk back. I was listening to songs about I was listening to songs shedding light on issues like police raping prostitutes, boyfriends hitting their girlfriend and overcoming it. I was listening to real women venting out their frustrations and in a way helping me vent mine.

Maybe I like you
Maybe I do
Oooh Ooooh Ooooh

Maybe I found something real
I just don’t know if was I wrong to trust anyone
Tell me, tell me
Did you tell them everything I said?
Did you tell them everything?
Did you tell them everything I said?
Did you tell them everything I said?

Why don’t you tell them?
Did you get a good laugh?
Tell me was it good was it good?
Was it good?
Was it good for you?
Did you win that race?
Did you score that point?
Oh yeah you’re so fucking cool, fucking cool
Now did ya, did ya, did ya, did ya, did ya, did ya, did ya, did ya, did ya, did ya, did ya, did ya?
Go tell your fucking friends
What I thought and how I felt
How punk fucking rock
My pussy smells
Now did you tell them?

I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care.
I really, really don’t know

Maybe I like you
Maybe I do
Ooooh Ooooh Ooooh

We are not alone

Dee Avocado — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 08:39:53 +0000

taken from Apollo 12 before landing on the moon. one of the "deleted" images from NASA.

So I was on youtube as usual looking up interesting videos to keep me entertained and I came across videos of UFO sightings. As I waited for the video to load I scanned across the comments to see what others thought of the video I was about to watch. One of them said to google Robert Dean. So I did. Robert Dean is a retired Command Sergeant Major in the U.S. military who specializes in “ufology”. I listened to a couple of interviews and listened to this man talk about how it’s a fact and there’s solid and visual proof that aliens exist. Right off the top of my head I can honestly say I believe almost everything he said. It all made sense. According to him the reason why the government hasn’t exposed us to this evidence is because we aren’t ready for it. In a way I think that’s true in a way I think thats a selfish decision that shouldn’t be left on just a small group such as the government when it involves the entire human race. However, how would the public react if they knew there was something out there that their government couldn’t protect them from.

Questions that arise from watching this. Obviously is this real? How much credibility does this guy really have. I just don’t understand how if he and others in the military went out publicly and started giving away “top-secret information” and pictures revealing large aircrafts/UFO’s near the moon and strange activity near the equator of mars that were supposed to have been permanently erased by NASA, why didn’t they get punished for it. Was it because of their rank or power… or simply because not enough people cared about the issue.

Ultimately I really hope that this isn’t fake. According to Dean these beings are categorized as on threatening, so interacting with other species and advancing in space exploration sounds amazing to me.

Going gaga for Gaga<333

Dee Avocado — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 09:29:12 +0000

So lately I’ve been looking up lady Gaga videos on youtube like there is no tomorrow. I do it from the moment I wake up while I’m getting ready for school, I do it on the bus, and even worse while I’m driving. After hearing her single Just Dance I was quick to judge Gaga as another blonde singing about getting drunk, go figure. But as I found myself singing along to more of her radio tunes and searching for more videos I realized Damn, she’s talented. Not only that but I find her to be the epitome of pop culture as we know it today. I love how blunt she is about everything, especially about her sexuality. In this specific interview I found on youtube she is asked what she looks for in a partner. Her respond; a big dick. BRAVO lady gaga bravo! when I heard this and saw the certainty in her voice it made me happy inside. She didn’t sound like a “slut” or a “promiscuous” girl. She sounded like a woman in charge of her sexuality. And even though sex sells her comments make it that much better because it’s obvious she’s not doing JUST for the attention. Act or not this persona that Gaga has created for herself has made thousands turn their heads and worship her.

One of my favorite quotes ever is “All the world’s a stage and all the men and women merely players..” What does this have to do with anything? GAGA. From my perspective and own judgment I feel like she captures this to the fullest extent. I honestly think its wonderful that someone as young as her can live out her dreams and is empowered enough to do so without caring about what people say about her.