Grrrl211's Blog

So for the past two effing weeks I’ve been dying. I’ve been cursing my immune system to immune system hell, and taking at least about 4 different types of drugs to cure my countless of symptoms. I’ve gone through at least 4 TP rolls, over 6 packs of tissues, drank more water than I’ve drunk in a year, and I’m starting to feel like these cough drops have substituted my meals.  I had to miss work today and I feel super guilty because I’ve had like 3 days off already and I really need the money.

And to make matters worse I’m PMS-ing like there’s no tomorrow. I’m almost convinced that I’m suffering from PMDD.  I feel like crying over everything and I don’t feel like doing all the things I usually do… I hate it. I hate feeling sad, it’s just not my style. This sudden feeling of inadequacy takes over and I just wish it would go away. I’m feeling so vulnerable right about now and I really do wish (as lame as it sounds) that I could just hold on to my boyfriend and have him tell me he loves me. I feel as if life is passing me by and I have no clue as to what I want to do with myself. My goals seem sooo close.. yet so far and I wish life wasn’t as hard for me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful. I’m grateful for every obstacle that has taught me a lesson for every freeebie that has been tossed my way. But for once I would like to not worry about money, I would like to be able to buy a plane ticket to leave the country, I would like to drive a nice car and not be paranoid about the police, I would like to receive a nice FAFSA check to help me with school, I would like to do so many things that people take for granted.

I did a video blog earlier this week, and well the quality is just plain shitty… It was done with my webcam so go figure. I’ve been contemplating whether I should upload it or not… mainly because it’s long, and I don’t know if anyone will actually sit through it.. But I really don’t feel like going back and writing about what I talk about.. I’m not lazy, It’s just my memory is bad and I don’t think I can re-capture the essence of what I meant to say about my adventures.  So i guess I’ll upload it for kicks. (*ten mins later: I guess I never saved it -_- greeeeeat.)

Well even though there’s so much more I’d like to get off my chest, I guess It’d be best if I hit the sack. Even though I’d rather stay up and just write, really my writing is all I have.. It’s what separates me from the rest. Not in a “I’m better than you” kinda way, more like “I rather write then put up a front of being a bad ass and hide my feelings” kinda way… I’ve been listening to Belle and Sebastian and thinking about high school.. about all the things I would have done differently… But it’s never too great of an idea to think about the past… especially when it’s as complicated as mine. It only brings nostalgia and tears. But then again it could just be my severe pms-ing.

“And it starts sometime around midnight, at least that’s when you lose yourself for a minute or two…as you stand under the bar lights and the band  plays this song about forgetting yourself for a while…and the piano it’s this melancholy soundtrack to her smile… and that white dress she’s wearing. You haven’t seen her for a while…”

I love this song, it’s so sad. But I love it.  I seriously thought this was The Killers this whole time but apparently it’s this band The Airborne Toxic Event. I’ve never heard of them but if their other stuff is as effing amazing as this song I’m in! lol

Well this whole weekend went by and I still haven’t finished my essay. FML. but just a little bit. Why just a little bit? Well because I caught up on sleep SIIIICK! I took every opportunity to nap it up!  Now I’m up on all natural energy trying to clear my thoughts through this blog, silently singing and dancing in my awesome fiesta green chair to a VERY KICK ASS playlist on youtube that consists of some Le Tigre, Gravy Train, and the Strokes!  I’m honestly a bit disappointed in a couple of things, one being how I can’t seem to record from my webcam and play some itunes along without the music sounding super effing whack and distorted! Ugh. Which totally sucks because I wanted to do this super awesome intro to a video blog which consisted of me lip singing to my fave songs lol. I guess I won’t be gracing any of you with my talents, haha! The second being that my boyfriend just let me know that just because I became a level 5 at my job, it doesn’t quite mean I get my raise right away. What kind of BS is that! I was NEVER notified of this. You see, I work at this prettaay famous burger place over here in Cali. It Starts with an I and ends with a T…and it has three words. And it rhymes with Fin and Pout. -_- Get it? Yeah okay. Well, getting your level 5 is kind of a big deal. It means you start getting paid 11.75 an hour, it means you get to go home smelling like produce, and it means you have to start buying some Excedrin for back and body aches.  Which is actually SUPER good news for me, since I pay for my own school and books. And since I like to stay lifted. 

So I bought this super uber cute piggy bank at Target that says “Vacation Fund”! It’s soooo cute, the piggy is blue and has a cute liddo hat with palm tree shaped shades! CALIIIII BABY!! So far I’m guesstimating there’s about 3 dollars in there, lol. Slowly but surely. Now I’m just thinking where exactly am I going to go with this Fund of mine…. New York?, Washington?, Florida?!?!! My options are kinda sorta limited but, hey. WATEVS! I do what I want! Speaking of traveling, but not really. My boyfriend took me out to Dinner to this nice spot called Eastside Mario’s or something like that and they have the dopest! little logo ever. It’s the Statue of Liberty holding up a tomato! A tomato!!! It’s so funny. Anyways, the dessert card holders were these heavy little replicas of it. And we were lucky enough to have this dope a** waitress who totally made it possible for us to sneak one out! It is now living on my desk. Along with my Piggy, my broken globe, my maracas, my fairy wand, and my Staples “That was Easy” button. : ] Pretty awesome? I think yes

So, here I am.  Another day at your “riiiight near the beeach boooyyy” community college. Clas was actually quite interesting, and todaymarks the second day that I have not fallen asleep in class, out of four. ha! no, no but really I’m really hitting the coffee hard Winter semester has nothing on me.

So today the weather is close to perfect even though, I would ALWAYS choose my 90 degree weather overanything! But mind you we’re at school. I sh*t you not! I saw a girl with perfect straight hair, size 0, full MAC face plastered on, wait wait! It gets better skin tight dress with knee high snake boot stilletos! I guess when she heard about CLUB row she thought Thirst Thursday was included. Geeeeesh. Haha, watevs. I had to rant about that because I see it all the time!

So today in my comm 10. class we were given our topic for the first essay of the semester. Pretty simple, we were shown a clip of nypd blue or something. Side boob was shown, total rear end, situation :kid walking in on mom about to hop in the shower. Question is, Courts ruled it okay, do you agree or disagree give examples. No fine was given since only side boob action and rear end was shown, which is not considered indecent apperantly. I’m not quite sure just yet what my view is, taking that I’m being totally biased! lol What bugged me was that the chick was a total MILF! I was like geeeesh lady, try looking less sexy about it this is your son!! HA. Funy story. True Story. So we also read/learned about William Randolph Hearts; the father of tabloid-like entertainment! Trip out. He’s like an OG Harvey Levin!  Then we talked about how cuhraazy it was to be a paperboy back in those days. It was freakn deadly pretty much! The competition was tough between news papers since there was no internets and things of such matter! Hell no. I love my internet. I’m straight!

So days later from when first started, and on a slightly more serious note, I’m finishing this blog… It’s already Saturday. I still haven’t quite started my essay per say… but in my defense I always get things done and I’ve been sooo tired from work and all this extra physical activity I’ve been doing. So if I sound like I’m ranting, it’s because more or less I am. I’ve been thinking about life way too much and even though life is throwing me dodge balls like nobody’s bussiness I’m trying to stay positive. It’s kinda hard when my thoughts run wild and I start to fear and doubting people’s true intentions… I try and tell myself I’m in charge of my own happiness. For every bad thing I have going on I try to think of two good ones. Does it work? Who knows, but when it doesn’t I pack a bowl and drink some coffee. thug life.

Lately, (and by lately I mean probably within the last year) I’ve realized I never give myself much credit for what I do. For who I am. I consider myself to be a huuuge people person, and I should really try and use that to my advantage. Network. People like me, get along with me and often seek my advice. So, I figured the more people I meet the more my chances of  bigger and better opportunities coming my way are.  I can’t wait to travel. I can’t wait to leave L.A. for a bit. Because really… there’s so many times where I feel out of place. People aren’t honest here.. well I guess that’s anywhere. I mean, people think I’m the odd ball but really I think I’m way too rational. I think my brain is on high alert at all times because I seem to notice things and people’s mannerisms more than I should. And there’s nothing worse than noticing things you aren’t supposed to.

Well, I won’t be a blogging hoebag and save all my cool stories for the next blog lol. I’m super tired, I feel a fever coming, and I’d like to atleast develop an idea of what exactly I’m going to use to back up my thesis and all that good stuff. I hope your saturday was better than mine, because quite frankly I can’t wait for monday. My day off, school, and I get to be riiight near tha beach!

I suppose right off the bat this particular blog is going to be a rant of some sort. An introduction to a new life really. When I started this blog about two years ago I was a completely different girl, yet I wasn’t. I had a very eventful 2010, which mainly consisted of a very dramatic break up from a relationship that had almost made it to the 4th year mark. This relationship had me fucked up. To put it nicely. I won’t name drop, because that’s tacky, and also because I respect what I had. Because I know what’s done is done, and it is what it is. It also consisted of hanging out with my new lover and laughing way too much. I’m just another cali girl, with problems like you, you and you! I’m paying my way through school, and I’m very observant of my surroundings and everyday encounters. I plan on using this blog to vent, maybe provide some insight on a variety of topics, make strangers laugh and maybe help someone realize they are not alone.

I recently turned 21, something that I wasn’t so aware I was looking forward to until I couldn’t go places that were 21+ go figure.  At this very moment in life, I should be sleeping. However, I am on my third cup of coffee for the day. I’ve peed approximately 6 times in the past two hours, thought of my boyfriend about 15 times, uploaded pictures, stumbled upon cool stuff, and sang along to about 3 different Madonna songs. Zero productivity where it truly counts. But who the effs is counting?!?!? I totally fucked my spring semester over by not enrolling on time (AGAIN, when will I learn?), knowing damn well that kids and adults are running like chicken with their heads cut off trying to enroll in school and crash any class. I hate crashing classes fuck that. I’m honestly thinking of skipping a semester and focusing on my blogging, getting in shape (because working at In N Out is NOT a joke), and following through with my never ending to-do list. Oh and maybe saving my money for once.